往事，豈能如煙

我不会把第一次当借口

2012-02-01T23:38:00.004+08:00

每一幕戏可分成激、闹、温、冷、平；
角色可分为主、配、衬、承；
肢体可从身、声、面方面下手
当然这些分类底下有不同的导戏方式，
这些学过的知识，
尽管一一挖出来，
今天
并
不
管
用

今天有了新的体验，
还好没搞砸。
之前看了剧本，
又看N年前的笔记，
几乎都不能应用嘛。
而且小学虽然有参加英文的演艺班，
英文的大多都是朗诵诗歌，或讲故事，
着重于声音的运用，
当时我们是不能动的。
幸好那一班的老师和院长帮了很多忙，
还有那一班的学生本来就好教。
还有老师教的举手引起注意力的方式还是挺好用的。
因为比大声目前为止我一定输。

声音还是不够大声，
而且还是不会运用称赞。
到后面被visualiser 限制住了，
想想下次应该用 powerpoint + presenter
= 可以自由走动 + 可以示范动作 + 学生看得到剧本+ 可以加提示、图案等
(If there is a next time that is.)
还有我的气还是不够。

唉。
我几时才会像几位老师一样，
有那么大的嗓子呢。。。
从初院演妈妈的时候就学开声，
但怎么开声就还是如此而已。
如果是教课文，
即便是声音小声我估计还是不会有任何问题的。
但对于教书整体来说还是少了什么。

是第一次，
但我不会把第一次当借口。
不够好就是不够好。
其实我想讲烂。
虽然勉强过关啦。
但应该positive 一点hor.

对了
今天听到一个很有趣的看事情的角度
不知道应该怎样形容，
“说好听是孝子，说难听是宅男”
-- 把自己说坏了的智慧。
听到的时候觉得
时间真的很美，很美。

还有，
虽然教师这个行业让我
边做边学
边错边做
但错了还是错了
不好还是不好
所以
我不会把第一次当借口。

真

2012-01-26T00:17:00.001+08:00

It is amazing, to find out,
through the blog of a stranger,
that he is so much similar to you --
the love for the little angels and the sky,
the belief in all the little things in life,
and the same long waiting process that we experience.
Only someone true to his heart can do that I guess.

It's simply amazing,
the feeling of feeling connected to a total stranger.

从未

2012-01-23T23:59:00.001+08:00

从未
奢望过
我们
会有任何更深一步的交际

从未
妄想过
阿公家
会有任何一样
除了饼干、糖果和水果以外
我们能吃的东西

从未
梦想过
不
是连做梦都不敢想
老人家
有一天会接受
我们不可能不吃素的事实
甚至当老人家拿水果给我们的时候
我已经觉得
是个奇迹了

隐约记得
我写过
我大概可以了解老人家的心情
或许
他们只是
害怕失去
自己的儿子罢了
所以才会极力反对
所以我不恨他们
我也不怨
只是
我一直不知道
应该要如何与他们相处

以前的相处
似乎只围绕在比较当中
几乎没有共同的话题
加上自己不喜欢赌博
又不追潮流
所以就索性把自己
关闭起来
在阿公家
就是不停地看电视
看报纸

今年
托小姑和四婶的福
当然还有载我们来回的堂哥
有素食的水果鱼生可“捞”

从未
吃过素食的水果鱼生
但更重要的是
吃在嘴里
甜在心里

从未
奢望过
妄想过
梦想过
甚至是连做梦
都从未想
也不敢想的事
实现了

时间
把我们许多人都改变了
就像一个老兵
打了许多年的仗以后
终于回到自己的家乡
放下了一切的包袱与警戒
真真正正地
有了家的感觉

从未感受过的温暖，
今年大年初一感受到了。
我想这是一个值得纪念的日子：
2012年1月23日。

谢谢。

Undo

2012-01-19T00:49:00.001+08:00

After I don't know how long of trying to reduce milk and egg intake, today I finally understand what it means when people say milk actually has a very strong unpleasent smell. No wonder I refused to drink milk when I was a baby (my mum had to order 豆粉 cause I refused to drink milk then).

But cheese, milk tea and coffee are still part of my diet though.
Plus chocolate and strawberry, which I love alot too.
Makes me wonder about the extent I want to reach, or can reach sometimes.
But yea, reducing is a must.

写祝福

2012-01-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

生日快乐？
不行，太老土了。

祝美梦成真？
不行，
生活中有些东西，
永远属于想一想就好一类的。

祝圣凡如意？
新年时用过了。

祝天天开心？
不行，
朋友是个有内涵的人，
人生目标肯定不止如此。

祝身体健康？
不行，好像新年祝福哦。

终于深吸一口气，
打上：生日快乐！=)

那何尝不是人生的功课之一

2012-01-04T11:59:00.000+08:00

今天教补习的时候有个惊人的发现：才开学两天，我的学生的老师已经告诉他们，补课即将开始，所有的资料他已准备好，听到的时候大吃一惊。因为隐隐约约记得，我的时候即便面对会考的压力，也好像是年中考试以后才开始有补课，我妹妹的时候是大约二三月才开始，才隔了三年时间，补课竟被推前到更早了。与朋友分享这样的一个现象的时候才发现原来这并不稀奇，有的学校甚至小五假期的时候就有补课了。

之后，我便感叹说我非常担心他们给老师这般训练，是否会到了会考前就没有耐力再继续努力下去。因为有时我觉得，这种大考考的只不过是个别学生的耐力而已。经过这么长的训练，做过这么多的练习题，最终成功的，就是那些耐力好的，能够长时间练习，能够持之以恒的学生。当然本身的天资也可能对成绩有所影响，但大家都大量地做练习题，经过这样的一个过程以后，几乎都把所有人放在一个level playing field 上了。所以，耐力好的就能坚持久一点，就考得好一点。

起初我是很担心的，也为现在的学生感到心疼。但换个角度想，他们生在这个年代，必定有生在这个年代的原因。竟然如此，，那面对种种读书的压力，何尝不是他们人生的功课之一，何尝不是成长的一部分，何尝不是上天最美好的安排。想到这里，我不担心了，因为相信他们会安然度过。考得好成绩是目标，但过程中他们必定更了解自己，了解别人，过程中他们也会学会坚持，学会积极，还有很多很多课本学不到的东西。

那何尝不是人生的功课之一。

新一年

2012-01-01T11:59:00.001+08:00

时间好快，
这样就过了一年了。
很多的歌手、电视剧、故事、电影
都在提醒着人们，
把握时间、珍惜所爱、热爱生命。

人总是很奇怪，
临死前才知道怎么活，
失去以后才懂得怎么珍惜，
过了才懂得回忆的美丽。
或许，
我们就是活在这相对的世界。

回想起来，
我的2011 年与2010年
没什么两样。
因为我始终认为，
她们与2009年年尾以后，
是属于同一个人生阶段的。

我很幸运，
生活提供给我的灵感，
生活提供的课题，
生活提供的一切的一切，
我都有机会体验，
有机会进一步思考。

或许就像我2010年所写的，

I'm grateful for all that I have had a chance to experience, to learn, and to treasure.

Thank you 2011, and hello 2012.
对了，顺便分享两首歌：

「等你多活几年就知道了。」

2011-12-07T02:20:00.001+08:00

想了很久应该怎么下一个结论，怎么为这几天上的课做一个小结，所以到现在才写。

其实这一次的经验真的真的很难总结，因为年纪慢慢增加的时候，就会发现，其实生活中每一个阶段的体会，都会与前面的阶段息息相关。所以，没有一个阶段是可以独立拿出来谈的。这一次的内容并不陌生，也添加一点点的知识以及自己所知道的知识/认识/认知。听与分享的过程中有着许许多多的感动以及感恩，因为真的，生活中许多事只能用“这是上天最美好的安排” 来形容。

或许就如苏打绿的一首歌词所说，

「一直到將來我們都成熟/就不再困惑/生命有多少過錯。」

是啊，等我们都成熟以后，就不会困惑到底生命有多少过错，因为不管好的坏的，一切的一切都是成长的养分，都是生命提供给人们的信息。

所以，我才会说「等你多活几年就知道了。」，因为时间与生活告诉你的道理，是任何言语都无法取代的。道理是地图，但还需你自己实际去走才会有所体会。回来的途中我在想，在心得分享的时候 actually I don't make any sense，似乎没说到什么，没有重点又没有内容。但又想想，除了感谢天恩师德，我真的不知道如何表达心里的感动与感恩。

如果一定要说印象最深刻的，应该就是《重生体验》这一个体验课吧。早在2009年青少年法会的时候定下了自己人生当中的三个大石头，从那时到现在也没有变过。只是，之前好一段时间都一直觉得自己的人生里似乎少了一些什么，自己也说不上来。但必须作一个选择的那一瞬间，很奇怪地便清楚肯定知道了自己这一生为何而来，明白了其实佛性中其实什么都不缺，只是在忙碌的生活中我偶尔忘记这一点而已。

接下来就是进一步往心里去探索，圆满自己的「心」了。
大家一起加油吧！=)

青少年精进班

2011年12月2-4日

课后感想

《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》

2011-12-01T01:42:00.002+08:00

「而我的世界，不过就是你的心。」

「不像考卷，所有复杂困难的问题，都能得到一个解答。真实人生里，有些事永远没有答案。」

我想，这两句话是电影里我最喜欢的两句话吧。

其实我星期一就看了电影，心里有一些感觉，但想了两天还是一直不懂得如何把它写出来。我不想忘记这部电影，以及看完它以后的感觉，所以规定自己一定要写些什么，但似乎写什么都会低估了导演以及所有人的用心。因为如果下了什么结论，就似乎像我们学唐诗宋词的时候一样，诗人起笔的时候可能根本没想那么多，可能只是记录某一件事，或抒发某一种情感，但后人读了硬是要给作品添加什么意义，添加学术的分析，完全忽略了其实每一个人心里读了以后的感觉都会不一样。我不想这样子，所以迟迟不写我的感想。

这两天倒是看了一些访谈，更了解了作者兼导演的这个人，尽管只是从很远的角度去了解。因此，我心里下了一个这样的结论，电影之所以会感人，是因为导演和所有的人，都把真心放进电影里了。

老实讲，做过舞台剧的人（虽然只是学校舞台剧的那种小规模），精明的眼睛还是可以看出一些些破绽，也可以看出一些手法是不断地循环使用的。但，电影很感人。我想，这是最重要的吧。不管谁对一部戏有什么评价，最重要的是，有人看了感动，甚至连导演自己看了也觉得感动。毕竟，人们的评价也是人生之中永远没有答案的东西。这样就足够了吧。看了那些访谈以后，我终于读懂了九把刀的九个短篇。（虽然我还是不喜欢让女生读了尴尬的部分。）无厘头的个性真的是很无厘头，或许脑筋大概转太快才会有如此。但，从访谈之中，几乎可以看出，虽然无厘头，但九把刀应该是个很真实的人，而且有满满的真心，也不怕让别人看出他的真心。

写到这里发现自己有些语无伦次，总之我想说，我认为其实电影成功没有其他的秘诀或方程式，在过程中就是所有的人投入了满满的真心。一心一意的把一件事做好，呈现出来的就是感人的。我不记得谁了，但有人跟我说过，任何一件事，只要真心去做，就会感动人。就是这样吧。所以，我会继续读他的作品，因为他那一份真心，因为他想做一件事，喜欢一个人的时候，就一心一意地去做，一心一意去守护的精神。会一心一意去做每件事的人，不管作品的文学价值如何，我相信这样的人写出来的东西是值得看的。

好空闲啊好空闲

2011-11-25T01:10:00.000+08:00

考试考完了！因为这一个学期特别辛苦吧，所以考完试也特别开心。

所以现在终于可以跟全世界宣告：好空闲啊好空闲。=D

爽到暴。呵呵呵呵呵呵。

Anyway，星空又延播了。十二月一日才出来。

好空闲啊好空闲。

Hmphhhhh

2011-11-13T19:30:00.001+08:00

Not in a very good mood today, because I officially lost to rashes. I overcomed ankle sprain, projects, reports, and exams but I lost to rashes. Darn it. And it is a really precious opportunity to interact with the children more than ever cause there's so much more chance to talk during dYb outings. When I got rashes I was so worried that it was chicken pox or something infectious, then I was afraid it would spread to the kids, so I went to the doctor immediately. And I was happy it wasn't, but in the end I still lost to rashes.

But oh well. I still listened to the teachers cause I don't want them to worry. After all, I really did not know how my body would react.

And darn you rashes. You won this time but you won't always win. GET IT?

Anyway, introduce a new song, 你在煩惱什麼, from 蘇打綠's new album. (And I'm waiting for it to be out in SG, lalala. And I'm intending to search for their old albums too after exams.) The ending of the MV is somewhat like 大同世界... ... =D

果实

2011-11-07T01:52:00.001+08:00

曾经在FB写了这一段话，但FB的储存时间不知有多久所以把它转录到这里来好了。

我期望什么样的果实？老实讲，真没想过。我只是单纯的想陪伴着孩子们一起成长，并且决定对他们不离不弃，因为错过了他们的成长期就再也回不来了。仅此而已。然而，看着别人期望的果实，固然是认同，但打从心里深信的，就只有“热爱生命” 这一条。因为我认为“热爱生命”这一条，就已经概括了一切的一切。我相信，只要你足够热爱着自己和别人的生命，必定会去做有意义的事。或许是自己的想法简单，但确实如此。

- July 17, 2011

忙盲茫

2011-11-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

忙盲茫。

Now I see it officially happening on me. Things have been seriously hectic so I haven't been myself. Or to be more exact, haven't been in the right frame of mind. Other than deadlines for reports and projects, and when have dYb, I don't quite remember anything else.

Sometimes I misinterpret my own project and then send emails to clarify, then to find out that we are on the right track, then send email to say it was confusion on my part and totally regret the action. *so embarrassing* Sometimes I send sms that doesn't make sense, and sometimes I say things that don't make sense either. Sometimes I write something for my report only to delete it later cause it doesn't make sense. There are a two reports I got back, and only to realise that I've made simple grammatical/sentence structure errors, and I've even forgotten to include references for my Chinese History essay (though I didn't refer to other references for my points in the essay, cause the evidences are all in the original text,《宋书》that teacher stated. But I should have somehow cook up and find some sources to quote la).

It's the kinda feeling where you are physically totally awake, but somehow intellectually you feel that there's something dormant in you, waiting to be awaken. But somehow that part is never awake, even when you have just replenished your sleep for 10 hours. The kinda nagging feeling I'm getting this month.

In short, this is a very out-of-sense month for me. And around one more week to exams. I hope my exam scripts answers won't be too out-of-sense though. *touchwood* Hopefully I am still awake enough intellectually to write the correct answers. haha.

星空and那些年after the exams.=D

小放假

2011-11-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

今天的你做了什么？

今天的我交了了作业，然后给自己放了几个小时的假，剪了头发，去了Page One 想找organiser 找不着适合的。到家的时候什么都没想，吃饱饭后便睡着了，然后醒来以后听苏打绿的歌。最近都是“早睡早起”，生活只不过是每天吃饭睡觉发呆喝咖啡做功课。或许是因为习惯了吧，现在不管有多少作业也觉得还好（唯独写不出东西的时候有点慌啦）。但，生活总是似乎少了什么。少了一点点奋斗的动力，少了一点点冲动疯狂的事情，少了一点什么，自己也说不准。

所以今天就给自己思想放假。把脑袋的一切放空，然后明天继续奋斗。

日光的风格和歌词是很特别的，但我想不是太多人了解这首歌。
为什么我喜欢的歌都与别人不同？其实我也不知道。
或许就是听了心会平静下来吧。
听音乐当然是听让自己心平静的，
又或许，就是 frequency 对了。有些歌手不管再厉害你一辈子都不会喜欢他的歌。有的听了一次便喜欢。有的越听越喜欢。

好了，小放假结束了。
明天继续。
=)

Looping

2011-11-02T01:34:00.000+08:00

某些习惯是不是以生俱来的东西？
好像性格里会偏向某一方面，或有一些特别奇怪，不懂从哪里来的喜好。
好像我从小就不喜欢吃软软绵棉的东西，
好像我就特别喜欢不断地 loop 某个时候听了有所感觉的歌，直到听到感觉消失为止。有时一听，就可以听上一个星期。

Conclusion:
I listen to weird songs and I like to loop weird songs I listen to.
Thus,
我是怪胎。
呵呵。

Notice

2011-10-26T02:37:00.000+08:00

When you are free go click the Love Life tab above and read! =) It's worth me sharing and you reading. =)

平凡

2011-10-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

今天突然有一个想法，其实很多时候生活就是在考我们一个平凡。

奈何得了平凡，其实很多事都可以坚持下去，无论是人与人之间的感情，还是某一件想要坚持做的事。或者说，平凡这一个阶段算是蛮难熬的阶段之一吧。人生当中不可能每天过得像小说般精彩，因此战斗阿战斗的，但到了某一个阶段，事情必须稳定下来，生活也是，人际关系也是，或是其它的东西也是。有多少次，人们在不停地奋斗以后，发现自己所追求的原来如此平凡，觉得乏闷无聊了，因而放弃了。前面所努力的一瞬间便化为乌有。然而，似乎大家都忘了，许多生活中美好的事，就是如此平凡的。

有时我也坠入这一个陷阱，有时也需要好一段时间才跳出来。
所以在此提醒自己，要奈何得了平凡。

两年

2011-10-23T21:31:00.001+08:00

我突然想起，两年了。
离 20.07.2009，那个我们或许都不愿想起的日子，已经两年多了。
有时你不禁会感叹，现在的时间真的很快，真的是一转眼就过了。

20.07.2009 过后，我的人生焦点正式开始转换（虽然之前已慢慢地移一点点），接下来就随着时间的推移在大约4个月后定下我努力的方向，然后一直坚持努力到今天。不，我不是说学业上的目标。

两年后，心是否已经完全平静了？
我想还没吧。
想起的时候内心还是会有一阵震撼，
眼眶还是会有一点湿热。

但现在想起，心不那么痛了。
这是时间的推移吗？
就让我们的伤都慢慢的愈合。
是这个样子吧。

以前这是一个可恨的日子，
但现在我相信，
这一切，都是上天预期的安排，
所以就纪念一下这一个日子，
因为没有那一天肯定没有现在的我。=)

喜欢寂寞

2011-10-15T03:45:00.002+08:00

在睡觉以前无意间听到这一首歌，心里是无限的感触。

或许是蓝色性格的人天生的那一种孤独感，所以总是在茫茫人海中寻找共鸣感，所以总是希望会有那么一个人，可以明白自己在想什么。或许是人们不习惯聆听别人心里的声音，所以从某一段时间开始老是觉得缺少了什么，一直不断地寻找所谓的共鸣感。哪怕天底下只有一个可以了解的人，那一个人足以让我感到一丝的安慰。又或许是自己到了一个瓶颈，所以种种迹象告诉我该是突破的时候了。

不管是为什么，没有道育班的日子实在是很难过。这一个月我拜六拜天都很闲，因为除了写作业吃饭睡觉还是写作业吃饭睡觉。虽然是闲了下来，但这一个月真的非常难度过。度日如年正好形容我的状况。有道育班的时候我还有做作业的动力，因为我一定要出席周末的活动，所以不可以偷懒要非常努力的写。有道育班的时候虽然真的很忙，忙到如果要逛街要找下课早的时候（所以总是在奇奇怪怪的时间逛街）、忙得连剪头发的时间都忙里偷闲把时间 slot 进去的、忙得我可以在上课之前因为以防万一自己睡着先罐咖啡，但至少我非常清楚自己在做什么，而我的每一天，起码精神上是充实的。这一个月没有有意义的事忙，我还真的完全没有写作业的动力。每次一直托呀托的。而且，我越是在世俗的世界打滚，越是觉得自己是格格不入的。朋友也只是朋友，脑袋里一些奇怪的问题对于他们来说还是太沉重、太严肃了。或许因为这样，这一个月下来我感觉特别的沉重，而且比先前都有更加强烈的孤独感。这一种孤独感不是没人陪的那一种（我当然知道我身边还是很多关心我的人），但就是觉得在思想方面自己是无与伦比的孤独的。我也当然知道这是自己的选择，但一时就是找不到释怀的方法。

我一直困扰着这件事，因为这一种强烈的感觉已经侵入了我的日常作息。

直到今天听到这一首歌。

如今故事發展成就一個我 學會了生活能享受寂寞 劇烈的語言變成溫柔又帶來了什麼 若是不曾走過怎麼懂

我无法用言语形容，但它的确让我顿时释怀了。

就像我经常读的博客写的吧。If one day you ever fall in love with solitude.

或许，寂寞，就是每一个人得学习去习惯与享受的。

有一天，我必定可以做到一个人双手张开站在海岸边，微笑地面对大海，迎着海风。

还有，在同一个博客看到的图，也好喜欢：

嗯，谢谢。

p.s. 今天学校讲课的老师虽然前言导入的部分真的很长，长得我觉得很没有必要，但从他的字句当中，可以深刻的感觉的到他对于每一个生命的热诚与关心。我不知道是不是因为他曾经是心理学家，所以特别了解人性，但虽然上课都是听他讲一些学术上的东西，但我当下竟然被他的气场打动了。不是常听说一个人的气场会感染别人嘛，今天充分体会。也顺便提醒自己也一定要做到他的境界。=)

p.s.s. 因为现在有修中国思想史，所以以前那些不了解的东西，或者即使自己下定决心去读也未必看得懂的一些东西（好像儒家思想、道家思想（尤其是庄子）、荀子、。。。等等等），现在有老师把重点抽出来，而且还很清楚地将给我们听，让我感到非常非常的幸福。你说，天底下有谁那么幸福，自己不了解的范围刚好就有学校老师又整理重点，又讲的简单易懂，又解释得很深入的勒。不是天的安排是什么。=) 所以谢谢我的老师啦。听到后面因为没听过有这样的东东所以有点乱，但写完作业后一定会把它搞懂。=)

那些年

2011-09-28T23:25:00.002+08:00

好听好听! =)

最近刚读了《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》，是因为看了电影的预告好像故事还不错所以就读的。第一次读这类型的小说就读男作家的作品，感觉还不错。本以为爱情小说都是那一种缠缠绵绵拖拖拉拉罗罗嗦嗦的，但很意外的这一本小说不是。它描写的，不是爱情，而是青春。相像中应该比女作家写的好吧（我不知道，我也没读过，但感觉读了会特别纠结。或者自己根本不会把书读完的。）。

或许因为是男作家，所以写起来特别潇洒，把某一种我想说却说不出的感觉描写出来了。一切的一切，不过就是青春的一部分，结局如何或许不再重要，即便青春不完美，但它仍然是我完美的青春。我不知道作者写的时候是否有这样的一个想法，但如果有的话，不知道有多少人读了会有这样的感觉hor.

哎呀，嘀嘀咕咕都不知道自己在嘀咕什么了。好啦，其实我是想写多一些post，因为那天看到右边的archives, 发现我的blog post 一年比一年少勒。还有顺便偷懒一下下。最主要还是小说好看想写点东西但不知道要写什么啦。呵呵。By the way, 几米的《星空》也变成电影了耶。这样下去以后有谁还会看书啊？矛盾的是更多人会透过电影认识几米的作品吧。

Just asking.

2011-09-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

Dear imaginary figure I'm talking to in my head,

You think people will keep to their promises? Like those verbal ones?

Just asking.

Sometimes I have doubts.

But I would still like to believe that people do, even if there're tons of them who don't.

From,
Me

你的心是小小的寂寞的城之二

2011-09-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

你的心是小小的寂寞的城
那一天看到你的眼神
这一句话又浮现眼前

你说过你写博客
是因为你善忘
可是你的眼神似乎暗示着
你从来没有忘记
生活留下给你的悲伤

或许是我的感觉错误
但我总是感觉
你的内心
住着一个受伤的小孩

小孩
尽管受伤了
也不愿意让别人照顾
尽管渴望别人的爱
也不愿表达出来
尽管内心厌倦了自己的世界
也不原意表现出一点点的脆弱
尽管想要追求什么
也再也不敢努力追求
深怕自己伤害到别人

一切是因为别人说不能轻易流泪吗
因为沉迷在自己建立的世界较简单吗
还是因为还没碰到值得努力追求的吗

你的朋友似乎知道些什么
但你总是假装没听到
把朋友的挑逗当成耳边风
是朋友在说废话
还是你不愿意面对

或许真的是我的错觉
或许你的世界明亮很多
但我真的觉得
你的心是小小的寂寞的城

The Tiny Dangerous One

2011-09-17T03:01:00.012+08:00

See the picture above? In 2009, I was tagged as "The Tiny Dangerous One". Well, back then it was because I was the third speaker in my debate team in my secondary school days (i.e. the one who has no prepared speech, and is responsible of rebutting all the points of the other team). Usually, due to my small size and my face, I would seem to be of no threat to the opposing team, as I look extremely young and harmless. But yea, wait till I open my mouth and you know how powerful I am. As according to description of my team mates though (99.95% of the time I don't remember what rebuttals I've made after my speech). They describe me as the one using flying darts. Small, almost invisible, but nevertheless fatal. (The first and second speaker uses swords and daggers). And hence I'm the tiny but dangerous one.

2 years down the road, I thought I would have lost all of that. Since I have not touched debate since the last GM food debate in Sec 4. When I went to JC, I've decided not to join the debate team there, cause they told me "our CCA is very free, we only meet once a week", which is obviously not true for a debate team. If they need to resort to lying to get people to join them, then they can't be worth joining. I mean, come on, even when we were desperate for people we didn't lie. Hence, I've decided to pursue another interest I've not have had a chance to do in secondary school - Drama. In addition to all that, my JC class people speaks really gently, and it makes me kinda feel bad when I accidentally am more sharp in my words. And I guess since then I toned down significantly. ~~Or I try la, don't think I succeeded though.~~ And now? I don't feel safe without a script, or some form of preparation before a presentation, because of all the content and the technicalities involved. So for some days, I thought I have lost it - the disposition, the acuity, and all the qualities that are related to a debater.

But just a few days ago, my friend in Uni tells me honestly that she is afraid to offer different views from me ~~sometimes~~ most of the time. Regardless of academic or non-academic. Haha. It's like I have this aura around me that scares her. Well, at first I was a little upset, as I felt that I was a really bad friend to terrorize someone like that and not realise it.

But on second thoughts, I quite like it though. Because it only goes to show, that debate is a part of me, and it will always be. =)

I was wishing two friends happy birthday, and it reminded me of all the debate times that I missed so much. The honeydew sago we used to buy everyday (and up till now I only drink milk tea or honeydew sago when I buy bubble tea); the days spent doing A Maths homework while discussing our case; the days camped under the aircon in order to use the fastest computer to do research in the computer lab; the days we ate at Mac when we won and lost; the days we gossiped; the days we play at the swing; the days we would see each other in the morning, afternoon and night until we were sick of seeing each other; the days we stuck together so much people thought we were siblings; the days I would tell my friend to go to the classroom only after I went; and the days I felt bad about not being able to convince my teacher to let my oldest friend be in the team because he really has debating talent, but he still stayed on nonetheless. And many many more.

And of course all the wonderful people. Joey, Dyana, Shi Min, Ahmad, Christopher, Yasmeen, Kah Woon, the teachers and the juniors and many more. And it would remind me how we koped people from NCC and NPCC (it wasn't on intention, the people with speaking talent happen to be all there), so the whole lot of them always got excused from CCA during competition period. And I guessed it kinda made the teacher-in-charge secretly hate us back then. And then it would remind me of how the school kept trying to close our CCA down, but we would always manage to get some kind of an award that very year. And so they can't close us down again. =P And now of course, this CCA is thriving, with more support from the school (but hey they still used our old photos: http://www.unitysec.moe.edu.sg/main/pages/eldds.htm). I am kinda very far away from all these and the people now, as I'm not really good at keeping in contact with people. It's like when we move onto different paths, I always don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do either. But it will always be the loveliest days I always remember.

Now when I look back, I am really glad that debate has been a part of my life. Now that I don't do debates anymore, I guess the only thing that serves as evidence for this part of my life is the natural aura that I have around me.

So yea. I hope that I will never lose this aura, even if it means that I'll terrorize someone unknowingly or appear unfriendly at first impression to people.

I am happy to be the Tiny but Dangerous One.

Ramblings

2011-08-26T01:42:00.001+08:00

#1. It's hard to code switch when all of your morning are Chinese tutorials. Well, not that our English is not good or anything like that, it's just that it takes time for us to switch totally between the different languages. No wonder our translation tutor advised us not to take up translation after we are done with this module. The brain needs to move fast enough to handle all these code-switching process, and obviously my brain doesn't move fast enough. =P

#2. It was so funny when I was talking halfway in AMX and my mind blanked out, then I turned to Lian Jie and Siok Wen and said "救命". =P Made me realised how dependent I was on my clique to "cover up" for each other in the past semesters. It's the kind of feeling where you know your friend will always be there to help when you can't handle something. It's amazing when your friend knew exactly when you needed help, and vice versa. The whole class is kinda separated in this semester, and it makes me miss the rapport we have, something I find absent in many places.

#3. I don't like Charles Taylor. I could understand it really thoroughly if I wanted too, but I just don't have the motivation to do so. It's so super long by the time I get to the back, I forget what's in front. The result? I got the main points, but ~~perhaps~~ not understanding it in-depth yet. Okay, I will force myself to read it again (and thoroughly this time) during this long weekend. In a way Charles Taylor made me realise that 文言文 is so much easier to read though. And it made me super motivated to start on my Chinese History assignment. Good or bad?

#4. There is something I wanted to find out badly. But of course I didn't manage to. haha. The heart is fluttering again.

#5. I love Fridays cause I start school at 230pm! lalala~ It's super good especially when it comes to the week of presentation later in the semester.

#6. I realised that I'm kinda anti-social. I prefer time alone and I take a long long time to be less serious with almost everybody. Typical blue eh?

#7. 耐心等待，生命有一天会绽放出最美丽的花朵。But the process is loooonnnnngggggg.

佛会怎么做?

2011-08-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

今天发生了一个小插曲，
大家顿时都 stunned 了一下，
不知道要怎么办。

当时我就问自己，
如果是仙佛，他会怎么做？
因为不是说要学习仙佛的德性嘛。
结果脑袋空空如也。
呵呵。

所以不禁的想，
像《医者仁心》里的钟医师这样的人，
真的存在吗？
（据说电视剧是根据真人真事）
这一个人物是我在戏里看到，
不论是品格、言语、智慧等方面，
最近乎理想的一个人。
但也会想，
那是一个可以达到的境界吗？
如果可以，
那显然的我离这一个境界还是有一段距离。

21 岁生日

2011-08-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

21岁生日了！
时间很快，一转眼，
不知不觉在世上活了21年。

对我来说，活着就是幸福，
所以本来就应该以每一天积极的态度，
以及最灿烂的微笑，
去庆祝生命，珍惜生命。
真的，因为没有人知道
自己有多少时间来完成一切的一切。

曾经有人问过我和朋友，
为什么这么开心。
想一想，
因为活着本来就是一件开心的事嘛。=)

因为每一天都是值得庆祝的，
所以我也没有特别去庆祝生日的习惯。

但因为有了生日这东西，
让我有机会从新体会，
家人、朋友的爱，
也让我有机会从新体会，
我有多么爱他们。
因为有爱，
因此即使是最微小的动作，关心，
也会令人感动。

听起来有些老套，
但或许是因为年龄的关系吧，
开始发现真正感动自己的就是一些
平凡、甚至微不足道的小事。

也谢谢家人朋友送上的生日祝福，
你们满满的的祝福让我知道，我是幸福的。=)
我从来不知道要怎么正确的表达自己，
因此，就简单说一声“谢谢”啦！
但你们要知道，这一句“谢谢”背后，
已经包含了一切的一切。=)

12点过了，生日过了，
但现在一切的美好，
会定格在时间的记忆里，
化为永恒。
明天我将展开新的一天，
然后告诉自己，
“活着真好！”
Love life~ ❤

知己难求

2011-07-14T22:40:00.003+08:00

人生难得一知己，
这一句话应该是一个蓝色的人写出来的吧。

童年以后知己更是难求，
身为蓝色的我更是觉得自己终究有一天会孤独终老，
因为想找一个明白你的思想的人是多么难。
简单的一个FB 状态就足以看出这一点，
因为只有一个人明白了我担心的事。
重点不在于读错了什么，
而是我真的真的很担心自己误人子弟。
一句话里是我满满的担心，
却没人看得出来。
所以我完全明白刘婷婷为什么在舞台上站了那么久。

童年以后的世界知己难求，
但在小孩的世界里，
我更觉得我这三个星期来，
我多了很多的知己。

小孩的世界里，
多了很多的包容。
包容着我不足的地方，
包容着一切的一切。

小孩的世界里，
给了我很多力量。
尽管觉得省思表的问题实在是很烦人，
因为那些问题实在是不足以让我反映我所学到的一切实际的东西，
也不足以反映一个课室真实的情况，
但一看到小孩的脸，
我就有力量继续做下去。
省思表很烦人，
但我很愿意为小朋友们做东西，
也愿意把所有的心思放在小朋友身上。

我会很努力，
成为一个更好的老师，
不管是在学科方面还是在品格方面，
我都会不断地下功夫，
这是我的承诺。
同时真诚的祈祷，
这一股力量会永远地持续下去，
让我一直有机会与小朋友相处。

希望有一天能说，
毋须害怕，只需前行。
天塌下来，我在身旁。

久违了

2011-07-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

久违了，
那种睡醒以后，
心里甜蜜的感觉。

梦境什么都没有，
只是有一封电邮，
加上一张新照片，

还有一句，
保持联系好不好。

埋藏已久的感觉，
欢迎回来。

It's end of the month

2011-05-31T02:18:00.003+08:00

Well, it's been the holidays for me and it's the end of the month already.

This month I have done nothing much except visiting the dentist often, and busy with extracting teeth, resting then getting well. Finally I can wear the appliance if it's ready by this week. =) Till now I'm still surprised at my courage to go extract teeth on my own, and I guess at the end of everything I become braver and even more independent. Guess this is what Wu Lao Shi meant by at the end of this braces process I'll not only have a set of beautiful teeth, but also a beautiful heart. Oh yes, and to the friend who put my heart more at ease when I was getting very nervous about it, Thank You. =)

Another thing I've been doing recently is to sleep. I don't know if it's the weather or some mild side effects of anaesthesia, I've been feeling very sleepy lately. It's like I wake up at 9 and I can feel sleepy immediately after breakfast. So yea, I sleep alot. So sometimes I purposely plan for myself to go out, so as to break the cycle, but even then I can yawn continuously la. haha.

And another thing I've been doing, is to add variety to my wardrobe! My dentist is located at Bugis, and this makes it easy for me to go Bugis Street. Hee. And with the GSS that is going on, it makes it easier to look for clothes that are cheaper and better in quality. You see, during the "旺季" where I'm more busy I either don't have time to shop properly, or the quality of the clothes are simply bad, the kind you feel it can be worn as home clothes after a few rounds of wash. And mind you, I hand-wash all the more "fragile" clothes. So yea, I'm happy with the current upgrade in my wardrobe, cause now I have more variety! There are just times when one's wardrobe will need some changes. =)

And yes, the bookfair! I've managed to find three books by 乐嘉，who is a 性格分析家. I've seen him analyse the personality of people in the show《非诚勿扰》, and feel that he really knows what he's talking and doing, hence became interested in his works. There are too many 专家s around, but too often not many really know what they're talking about. According to the book I'm a blue+green person (there are four colours: red, yellow, blue, green). And so far ALL the personality traits mentioned in the book is really accurate. The only problem is in theory there's supposed to be a main colour that directs one's personality but I have equal scores for both blue and green. The book I'm reading now is the simpler version of his research, so I shall wait to see if he addresses this in his other 2 books. Think it's really helpful to have knowledge about theory like this, especially when you don't really understand a person. Like how one friend of mine checks up personality traits of her friend's horoscope when she cannot understand a person. It's not good if we become overly obsessed with theory, but I really feel it's helpful especially when at a young age like this, I don't have enough experience to fully know how to interact with the world yet. And it's interesting. =)

And I guess, some things come with age. In the past, I would moan at how bored the holidays are, and how slow the pace of life is during "淡季". But now, I guess I know how to appreciate these kind of times in life too. Sure, sometimes it's boring and most of the time I'm alone, and definitely there are times I would hope that I can be busier, or not alone, but now I am thankful to life for giving me these times that I can interact and talk to myself, even if I end up not doing alot of things in a day.

And yes, I am thankful to Life too, for all that kindness it has given me. =) I've always felt that my life is always separated into "旺季" and "淡季", either I'm really really busy or really really free. But thank you Life, for making me work really hard during "旺季", and making me really rest during "淡季". Thank you too, for the grades I got for this sem, particularly when I feel that I didn't work very hard this time round. And Thank you for letting me believe even more firmly in you after each small test you gave.

Thank you for everything. =)

家长和老师

2011-05-28T01:09:00.003+08:00

家长和老师最大的区别是什么？

家长看到的，是成绩不理想，是孩子不够用功，是孩子不用心。他们对孩子是满满的操心，但似乎只看到孩子的不是。

老师看到的，是卷子不简单，是练习的问题，她也知道，这只是一个过渡期，你会走过，也会成长，所以真的不是你的错。这些只不过是你成长过程中的一小部分而已。他们对孩子也是满满的操心，但选择了另一种表达的方式。

所以我就不禁好奇：如果一个老师，他同时也是家长，他会看到什么呢？

游戏人生的气质

2011-05-19T23:39:00.002+08:00

游戏人生的气质: 因为在过去曾经受过很多的苦难而有这样的一个气质，如果他没有游戏人生的心态的话，可能他已经死过一百回了。

在《非诚勿扰》上看到的。很有趣的电视节目，因为可以看到人性，还有一些性格分析的概念。人与人之间的缘分和交流，是一个很神奇的东西。

就如我当初想的一样，如果没有进入老师这一行，就是进心理学了吧。

Mistrust

2011-05-14T19:23:00.003+08:00

The strong feeling of mistrust and control is lurking in the house, and it is driving us (or me at least) crazy. A has a strong sense of mistrust towards everybody around her, and thus feels a strong urge to control. To what extent? She calls to check on B, like the way we see on TV a sticky glue girlfriend checks on her other half. And she has a general feeling of mistrust towards B. Yea, that kinda feeling. I mean, it's not really A's fault for mistrust in this case, as B has a part to play in trying to build trust too, and sometimes it's B who fails trust we've given her. But sometimes the extent of control is so great that I don't even know what to feel any more.

And just yesterday, A forbids me to go for class, on the pretext of that I just removed the stitch in my mouth and might not be able to eat food cooked outside. In case you think I informed A last minute, let me tell you that for the whole week, I have been REPEATEDLY telling A about it, and testing water at the same time, and I received no response. Or I received blur, misleading and those kind of I-am-not-really-listening-to-you answers. So I happily accepted duty that was assigned, and was ready to go for class. And just yesterday, when I asked again, A refuses to agree to it, even though with the explanation that I'll be listening to people talk, not talking, and even negotiation of coming back at 6pm for dinner so that I could at least complete my duty don't work. And thus I got to give up, and wake up early in the morning to inform that I won't be able to turn up. I seriously hope I didn't cause too much inconvenience to the others. *prays* And I know the moment I gave in yesterday, the chances of me going for class tomorrow is reduced to merely 10%.

No, I am not blaming her. Okay, or maybe I am. Or more accurately I'm secretly blaming all the 混蛋 people who gives A such a strong feeling of mistrust. I mean, at 21 now I do understand the concern behind A's actions, but I'm just worried that this will become a vicious cycle. What if in the future it becomes A gets worried -> A don't want me to go for class -> I have no choice but to obey -> I never go for class -> A gets worried again. And the cycle continues. *touchwood*

And the best part? I have arranged for the left wisdom tooth extraction for next Wed. To prevent clashing with the camp at the back, this is the earliest possible I could arrange already. But the problem is, by next Sunday the stitch would only have been just nice 5 days old, meaning that it'll not be removed yet. And now judging by recent events I don't even know if I can turn up for Sunday's activities and I have a presentation on that day. GREAT TO THE MAX. See how the cycle mentioned just now can continue?

Seriously glad that my upper jaw needs some adjustment, it's $1500 more, but it also means that my braces has to be done in alot of parts, hence a BIG BIG work on my teeth has been broken down into many small parts then there shouldn't be anything big enough to stop me anymore after the left wisdom tooth extraction.

Yes, I'm complaining. But I'm not blaming A. I'm just feeling angry, frustrated and helpless that all the effort still has not made the pain that all the 混蛋sss caused to disappear. And I can plainly tell because today she received a wedding invitation and she refuses to attend the wedding dinner only because it is held at the white palace. And sometimes I really wonder what kind of heart will eventually heal this wound in her. I know I have to continue putting in effort, but sometimes I don't really know what I can do anymore.

Oh well, now just hope that I can turn up next Sunday.

Dreams these days

2011-04-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

I have been having recurring dreams of the same person these few days.
Different dreams each time, but still same person.
And the thing is, it feels so real that sometimes I wonder if it's a dream or a part of my subconscious.
Or maybe dreams are part of our subconscious.

Caffeine

2011-04-23T14:32:00.000+08:00

I think I might get caffeine poisoning or something like that some day la. For this semester I've been drinking coffee and tea. And these few days in the attempt to avoid coffee I've been drinking tea, and they are of no use. The fact is I fall asleep each time I study for san wen. It is seriously not helping that there are so many texts, since I can't possibly write the translated text for each of the text cause it takes up alot of time. So the result of merely reading? Falling asleep 3 times before I managed to study finish 桃花园记. *sigh*

So yea. Think I drink coffee first and then don't drink coffee for three months or something like that after exams. Else I'll never be able to finish studying. Last paper! Jiayou! =)

Craziness and more

2011-04-18T12:07:00.001+08:00

Last week was the start of exams and I was watching 看板人物 - 黑人范玮琪 for a while online...I know I shouldn't be watching this during exam peeriod, but but 看的时候不知道为什么，心里有一阵震撼。I mean，I am the kind of person who don‘t really pay attention to entertainment news, but when I watched this episode it kinda touched me that there exists such a person in the entertainment industry. Someone who holds true to his beliefs, someone who really knows what he's doing and someone whose heart is as pure as a child. And yes, someone who affirms what I am doing is right, though I do not know him personally.

Sometimes I marvel at my own craziness, such that sometimes I wonder if the person making the decision at that point in time is it really me, like going for dYb MY even though I am having an exam on Wednesday. But I know if I don't go for it, I will come to regret it. So yea, if I am crazy then just let it be I guess.

Back to books~

理智

2011-04-11T14:23:00.000+08:00

我的朋友们说啊，我是一个很理智的人。
今天在与朋友们谈话的时候，我发现，其实没有耶。
对于我想过的事情，我当然可以很理智，因为我是一旦做了决定就不会留余地给自己后悔的人。
但对于我没有想过的事情，我就是标准的慢三拍的那一种，第一个反应不是不知道要怎么办，就是有一个非常情绪化的反应。

所以，其实我没有很理智耶。呵呵。

到齐

2011-04-10T22:28:00.001+08:00

今天值得记录，
因为我们的小队终于所有人都到齐了耶！
虽然是有一点散乱啦。
但毕竟这是他们第一次全部一起到齐，所以也不能要求第一次就很团结吧。
希望每个月他们都会来。。。=)

重逢

2011-04-02T14:38:00.002+08:00

已经有一年没去看舞台剧了吧。

应该是《天冷就回来 2009》以后，除了今年的《白云岗 2011》，就没有看舞台剧了。一般情况下，一年很短。然而，我没有接触戏剧的日子，似乎很长很长。以前经常一起看戏的朋友，现在都变成了后台的工作者，因此和我一起看戏的朋友大大减少。因此，去年虽然有很多很多想看的戏，但最终还是因为找不到人一起去，或者时间配合不到，就没有去看了。其实我有很努力地找，但一些朋友怂恿了差不多两年，他们还是不想去看舞台剧，我也没办法。呵呵。

昨天去看了《我爱阿爱》，再一次踏进 Drama Centre，再一次看到黄美兰老师，再一次注意lighting，再一次重逢一切的一切。故事很平凡，但平凡之中，令人感动。其中，我最喜欢的是吴立纯和林大勇之间的故事。

或许，人生要有梦，尽管梦不一定有机会实现。尽管梦不一定有机会实现，我仍然默默地希望总有一天，我会有机会与我的梦重逢。它跑得很远很远，但地球是圆的，总有一天，我们会碰面。又或许，我的梦只是我成长的一部分，永远停留在青春疯狂的时候。无论如何，我不会后悔与小朋友们一起成长的选择，只是仍然非常想念舞台而已。=)

Oh, and some pictures of《我爱阿爱》 I koped from the net below. Probably one of the few times you'll see so many pictures on my blog. hahaha.

Oh ya, and also the most interesting quote of the day:

Serene: 你看，做么这里的图片和我们看到的不同的。。。(pointing to Programme Booklet). 你看这里有胡子，表演的时候没有(referring to 吴立德）。而且这个头发是短的(referring to 大嫂)

Me: 对啊，这就证明他们排练了多么久耶，头发都长了。=)

And yes, to Serene, Meiqing and Siying, thanks for the awesome company girls! =)

Mental Block

2011-03-26T02:29:00.001+08:00

I've to hand in a report on Monday and I'm still having a mental block. It's the kinda condition whereby your mind just shuts itself, and refuses to work on the assignment, causing slow progress and mild panic. Deep down I know that it's not report problem, it's the problem with the heart. Sometimes I get this very strong empty feeling inside, and it seems like nothing can help to eradicate that feeling. It's kinda like a very powerful external influence kinda thing. Which is weird and isn't supposed to be happening.

And after this I got another report to do. Teacher is so great to give an empty blank for our essays, meaning we can write everything under the sun. But allowing everything under the sun would mean that I don't know what to write. Goodness.

Ok, I'm not really complaining about my life. Just rambling a bit. Jiayou for report! =)

A型血的狮子座：含蓄高雅的狮子座

2011-03-22T22:16:00.006+08:00

A型血的狮子座人往往带有一种高雅的贵族气质，仪态出众，内心有着强烈的自尊和骄傲，不容他人随意侵犯。因为A型血带有内敛的特点，一定程度上也收敛了 A型狮子人的外放能量。有时他们喜欢保持一点神秘感，举止矜持，甚至会显的有点严肃，以得到他人的敬畏。谨慎、多虑、含蓄的A型血特质和奔放热情的狮子座个性是有点冲突的，他们也常常会在自信和不自信间矛盾的徘徊。

　　但A型血的沉稳使他们避免了狮子座人易犯的浮夸和虚荣，相比其他血型的狮子座人更善于在逆境中隐忍。一旦明确了目标的A型狮子人，是有主见的和坚定的，行事利落干脆。他们也很正直，注重承诺、爱惜名誉，具有强烈的人格魅力。

　　条件允许的话，同其他狮子一样，A型狮子们还是很乐意走走奢华路线，讲讲生活品质，穿最好的吃最好的，只是相对较为低调。他们买个什么东西，会追求独特的品位，最好是要有历史有文化内涵在里面的，并不喜欢太流行和大众化的东西。别人看的懂或看不懂对他们来说倒是无所谓的。

　　 A型血的狮子座人对待爱情的态度是非常认真的，不喜欢轻浮的表达感情，面对喜欢的人会甚至显的有点严肃。A型血的狮子男在遇到心仪女性的时候，会一反平日里的内向，大方直接的表达自己的爱意。而A型血的狮子女面对他人的追求，则会有一个较长时的矜持表现期，以了解和考验对方。无论是A型的狮子男还是狮子女，一旦确立了恋爱关系，都会是忠诚和负责任的伴侣。

好友： A/B/AB/O型的狮子、射手、白羊、A/B/AB/O型双子、A/B/AB/O型天秤。
最容易一见钟情的人：O/B/AB型水瓶
女生适合的爱人：O/AB/B型狮子、射手、白羊、O/AB/B型双子、O/AB/B型天秤。
男生适合的爱人：AB/B型狮子、射手、AB/B型白羊、AB/B型双子、AB/B型天秤。
最不和谐的爱人：A型天蝎、A型金牛

It's surprisingly very accurate. The most accurate character analysis I've read so far I guess.

Sometime ago my friends were discussing about going to the fortune teller with our birth dates to kan-ming, and I remain undecided to go together or not till today. It's not that I'm not interested, but I guess what I am more interested in is the part that says about my character, not the future part. I mean, no one can really predict the future, and what is meant to come will come, what is meant for me to complete I have to complete, so ya, just let the future take it's natural course?

Nevertheless, I like to read character analysis(s) because it deepens my understanding of myself, regardless of its accuracy. But that is one aspect of fortune telling that they don't really address, I guess?

你的心是小小的寂寞的城

2011-03-18T02:06:00.005+08:00

不知道为什么，看到你的眼神的时候，我老是想到一句诗句：你的心是小小的窗扉紧掩。

偶尔，你会让一点点的阳光进窗里，但那一点点的阳光，不足以溶化你的恐惧、不安与寂寞。

你的心是小小的窗扉紧掩
心里的寒冷你会不会厌倦
是谁把你心的钥匙弄丢了
又有谁能把你的心要回来

达不到的100分

2011-03-12T03:56:00.000+08:00

当有一天，我老了的时候，我还会不会记得青春时候所散发出的美丽？

今天回去南初看了《我们的白云岗2011》，不禁觉得自己已经升上了“祖先”的位置，因为祖先都是 remembered but forgotten 的。在台上的同学我不再认识，只是偶尔看到一些学弟学妹熟悉的面孔。我这一届的，或更早的，因为种种原因，已经很少回去。老师们依旧是当年的样子，LT4 也还是那个样子。有一群学生真的很吵，我怀疑他们有没有认真在看戏。也有一位不熟悉的面孔两次瞪着眼睛看着我，大概觉得我自己一个人去看戏很大胆吧。也很有可能是觉得我是个怪咖。。。哈哈。Mr Kwek 在休息的时候有向我说一声“你好”两次，但由于我当时真的不是很想说话，所以就给了他一个最甜美的笑容，然后就没有做出回应。呵呵。真是非常对不起啊。。。然而，当时我不禁好奇，他会对去我说“你好”，是他礼貌上向校友的问好，还是他记得你曾经是南初的学生？我也不禁好奇，每年他送走这么多毕业的同学，是什么样的一个感受？不久的将来，我也会看着我的学生成长，看他们慢慢长大，然后毕业、成家、生小孩。。。那到时又是怎样的一个感觉呢？

或许你发现了，我并没有谈到对这一次演出的想法。

我对演出不是没有想法，只是重要的不只这些。是的，我曾经非常在乎别人对看了戏的评语，甚至 2008 年的时候还特地上网查看观众对《银针传奇》的看法。或许是生活的磨练、或许是年龄的增加、或许因为自己大概也很难有机会再做舞台剧，我学会了如何享受一部戏。人们看戏的时候（不管是舞台剧，电影，电视剧也好）经常犯一个最基本的错误：他们忘了，一部戏，看的时候，是要享受的。人们往往对一部戏有太多的批评，都已经忘了，一部戏，是永远达不到100分的。然而，就是因为那达不到100分的美丽，令人感动。

演出达不到100分，但友谊却得了100分。
演出达不到100分，但努力得了100分。
演出达不到100分，但勇气、自我突破得了100分。
演出达不到100份，但用心、真心得了100分。
演出达不到100份，但却装满了一罗罗美丽的回忆。

所以，演出又没有100分，真的不再那么重要。令人感动的，就是那达不到100分的美丽。令人感动的，就是那昙花一现的美丽。
所以，《银针传奇》在很多人眼里虽然没有100分，但在我心里是100分的。
所以，尽管今年的演出没有100分，我是非常享受看戏的过程的。

下一次，你去看一出戏时，记得，你可以对演出有很多很多的看法，但只要你认真看，看戏其实是一种享受。

记得

2011-03-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

我確信我愛我所做的事情，
這就是這些年來支持我繼續走下去的唯一理由。

- Steve Jobs

每一个成长阶段都是真实的

2011-02-27T03:56:00.000+08:00

As I described how my semester is like yesterday, I realised that I spoke about it with a breeze, like it seems to be very easy (though fair enough the timetable is very kind to me this time). But on second thoughts, hey, this semester isn't really easy. I know that expectations of tutors are even higher this time round, and they are going to get even higher as we progress. Besides, the content part isn't really light. So why did I react in a more relaxed way this time?

This brings me to be thankful for all that I have been through, experienced and learnt throughout the 20 years of my life (particularly the last 2 years). I'm not sure if I've learnt all that was intended, but at least, today I know that now I react better to certain things like stress, expectations and roles that I play. Maybe not very significantly, but at least I know I have grown a little. And this makes everything I've been through worthwhile isn't it? =)

Yea, I think just like what they said, 每一个成长阶段都是真实的。=)

Script 难产-ing

2011-02-25T22:26:00.001+08:00

I am having a great problem writing my script. Okay, not that I don't know what to write, but my mind just runs away itself from writing the script. Cause it's a setting whereby we're supposed to talk to imaginary target audiences, with imaginary topics BUT we have to convince our tutor. Which means, while what we are going to say are totally made-up, it is supposed to sound like it's the real thing. I understand their rationale for letting us practice like that, but perhaps with better topics we would be able to learn more?

Alright, enough of rambling...back to work...

信

2011-02-17T23:03:00.004+08:00

2007年在《我们的白云岗》演的剧就叫《信》。

不知道为什么，突然有一种很强烈的感叹，好像好久都没有这么相信一个人了。

可能 ankle 受伤太久了吧。或者因为实在太忙了。

也许，人生有时候就是要这样，一旦相信，就不顾一切，勇往直前。

Plea

2011-01-30T00:16:00.002+08:00

My ankle please get well please. Now even the ah ma in front of me is walking faster...

Start of School!

2011-01-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

School's starting tmr! And yes, I think I rested enough and is recharged now, so GAMBATTE! =)

Resolution

2011-01-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

Contrary to my previous post, maybe I should have one resolution: To eat breakfast. Haha.

Saw this on a magazine while on the train with Meiqing and Serene. This is seriously a very difficult resolution. =P

2011

2011-01-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

I don't like to write year-end reviews or new year resolutions, cause to me they're just overly-done, meaningless and cliché. I mean, my year definitely cannot be summed up or explained clearly in words, and my worth definitely cannot be determined by whether I have achieved goals I have written on paper. What matters, is how much I have grown INSIDE. Plus a small cut on the 2nd finger means that I cannot type smoothly enough to let my thoughts flow properly.

So, well, this sounds cliché (ironically), but Happy 2011 everybody! May this year be more meaningful than the last, and have a blessed year ahead. =)

p.s. I would still like to thank 2010 though - a smooth, yet not so smooth year - I'm grateful for all that I have had a chance to experience, to learn, and to treasure. =)

Shortest Holiday Ever

2010-12-23T16:02:00.000+08:00

I realised I was kinda foolish when I planned what to do for the next three weeks of my shortest holiday ever had (now left with 2 weeks plus) - All I ever need, were great books written by great people, and my three weeks would be filled. =)

Voltaire

2010-12-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

All the reasonings of men are not worth one sentiment of women

People Touched Lives

2010-11-27T20:39:00.003+08:00

Where there are people, there's interaction. Where there's interaction, lives are touched. =)

智慧

2010-11-26T22:26:00.006+08:00

这一个学期的课昨天以后结束了。但还有两份报告要交。当然还有考试。

这个学期走来真的很不容易，但回想起来这一切的一切都是值得的。给“很有料”的老师们训练了一下，好像真的有变得比较有智慧一点。前几天搭 199 的时候，有一位爷爷对他的孙子说，“搭这个巴士的都是大学生”。我听了微笑了一下，但有一点心虚，因为我根本还没达到大学生应该要有的智慧。读的书不够多、知道的也不够多、思想也不够细腻、说到品德，我应该还不算好人，只是没做坏事而已。

这几天我在想着我读到的这一句话，“非主流的人总是有一个共同点，就是一生寻寻觅觅找的只是某种思想共鸣感”。是啊，我喜欢说我寻找的是智慧，因为很难解释，但其实我寻找的，无非就是某种思想的共鸣感。

非主流

2010-11-22T22:02:00.001+08:00

在一个博客上看到的：

非主流的人会活得很累
可是如果想把自己主流化也许会更累

非主流的人总是有一个共同点
就是一生寻寻觅觅找的只是某种思想共鸣感

文人

2010-11-21T23:27:00.004+08:00

不知道以前的文人，

是不是都是这个样子。

因为太多心里的感叹了，

没地方发泄，

因此就写下了举世成名的

诗、词、文章、歌曲。

可是，

又有谁，

能够真正了解他们的心思？

今天我的心很不听话，

到处跑啊跑的。

此时最适合写作，

但还是写功课好了。

还有好多好多事要做，

我的心你不要乱跑了啦。

独

2010-11-05T22:27:00.006+08:00

最近一个月来的口头禅：

不要玩那么高难度的东西。

实在是太忙了，不过也没有什么不好。

因为忙，

学习过得简单，

虽然单独

却活得快乐。

Paradox

2010-10-27T22:28:00.004+08:00

My lecturer said something about how we live in the age of paradoxes from a book he read. I like the idea. Sometimes in life, you almost see where you're going, yet you'll not fully know where you're going.

I'm happy with my life now, because I'm happy about the choices I am given a chance to make and the choices I make.

But there's something missing... and I can't tell what.

每一个路口

2010-10-19T23:25:00.003+08:00

我本来想说啊，我会看生命带我到哪里，我就走到哪里。因为，接下来要怎么做才是对的，其实自己也不知道。我只知道，不久前选择与小朋友们一起成长的这一个选择，是对的，所以会坚持下去。所以，本来想说，其余的，就让生命来决定好了。但今天发现，原来，在生命每一个十字路口，都有选择。即使是安排好的，自己还是要拿出勇气和commitment。Was I taking the easy way out when I left it to life to decide? Or was I just creating questions for myself to think about when I felt awkward, which means it's not a question at all? Why did I escape many years ago? Were the problems I saw really are problems? Or was it just all just a facade to test? Was the reason found not really a reason, but just all a part of learning? Where do I go from here? What kind of attitude, responses should I have when asked?

I am grateful that I don't "belong" to any one of them, cause this form of arrangement always allowed me to learn from the best part of each, which perhaps many people don't get. And I am very grateful for this opportunity. The only awkward part occurs when I am asked about my origins, or when asked where do I belong to kinda questions. I don't really know how to answer them. And when the supposed "my own people" ask me why I am rarely seen blah blah blah. But the thing is, can't I just not belong to any of them? I mean, was there even a need to differentiate ourselves in so many ways in the first place?

I am not making any sense here, but yeah, I should have faith that solutions are ahead. =)

One More Completed!

2010-10-15T14:25:00.002+08:00

YAY! One more report done. Then with today's session later and next week's session, I am done with one module and my fridays shall be free! Then can focus totally on the Chinese Language Modules...

And by tmr, two more assignments shall be done. =)

Ok, it's so not me to update about this tiny weeny thing, but as a form of encouragement to myself I guess?

Smile, it's an inspiration.

Homework Marathon

2010-10-10T17:40:00.003+08:00

好忙啊！！！

And it's not even a matter of procrastination anymore. Even if you don't procrastinate the workload still seems almost impossible to finish.

It's like a homework/projects/powerpoints/reports/lecture notes/notes/readings marathon where we choing for another homework on the list when we are done with one. bleh.

Though already quite lucky that the lecturers extended the deadlines la. But then again, in our school, there is no such thing as cannot finish homework. Cannot finish and you get into great great trouble. haha.

Okay. Rambling done.

Back to work. =)

空间

2010-10-04T22:47:00.005+08:00

如果

你有一位学生

或

一位要引导的晚辈

请

一定

要

让他有

犯错的空间

当他可以犯错的时候

他会感觉较自在

因此会更大胆地去尝试

自己害怕的东西

当他可以犯错的时候

他看到了

你们的包容

你们的相信

你们的用心

你们的真心

当他可以犯错的时候

他会觉得这样比较像人

因此会觉得他有一天可以达到你们的境界

尽管你们或许已达到佛的境界

所以

一定要记得

给你的学生

家人

朋友

等

犯错的空间

中秋节

2010-09-22T23:07:00.006+08:00

今年的中秋节感觉起来有一些不同。似乎多了一点点的忧伤，很多点的忙碌。

And I actually flared up just now. The weird thing is I flared up not cause of the direct issue, it seems that it's a release of certain emotions. and it feels like it doesn't come from within me. Almost as if it came from somewhere/someone else.

记得有一次拿文章给朋友看的时候，她问我为什么作者们都很喜欢用“琥珀色”来形容眼睛。当时我也没回答，但现在终于明白，回忆里的人，眼睛真的是琥珀色的。说不出为什么，但选来选去琥珀色想起来最舒服，最美丽，最动人。

虽然今天是中秋节，但是我却没有心情过。

Oh well.

虽然我没有心情过中秋，但是还得做功课。haha.

Back to tutorials.

凝视

2010-09-14T23:14:00.004+08:00

你站在桥上看风景

看风景的人在楼上看你

明月装饰了你的窗子

你装饰了别人的梦

-卞之琳

习惯了凝视远方的你，

靠近了反而不懂得反应。

就像歌词里写的一样，

我们都没提起那遥远的曾经。

只是彼此update了一下自己的近况而已。

你出现之前是万般的紧张，

连对面的店员小姐都看到了。

她不断地偷瞄我一眼，

似乎在猜

谁即将出现。

真后悔，叫你不要打卡出来。

真后悔，因为怕你忙，所以没有继续聊下去。

真后悔，我们仍然没有一张合照。

但，

我知道，

我已经没有遗憾了。

你离开，我是舍不得你，

还是舍不得失去一个知己？

四年之后，我们会变成什么样子？

四年之后，我们会在哪里？

四年之后，我们还是陌生的知己吗？

还是已经是陌生人了？

在不同的城市努力，

偶尔也会想想你。

是这样吧。

青春，

总是留下捉不住的回忆，

或许，

有一天，

我们都会发现，

我们喜欢上的，

是凝视着年轻的自己。

Cells

2010-09-09T21:03:00.004+08:00

Today I am pleading with my body to cooperate with me.

I'm not afraid of fainting, just afraid of fainting at the wrong time and giving people scares.

走过岁月，真好

2010-08-10T23:56:00.007+08:00

记忆，是有限的。

但生活中，总是有太多美丽的人事物，值得我们去记，却来不及去记。当小小的脑袋记不住的时候，你就会明白为什么我平时会那么健忘。呵呵。

所以我喜欢文字。尽管多年以后我写的，对我来说可能会是一篇全新的文章。尽管我还是记不住所有的细节，所有的情感。或许，多年以后，我会读着我写的文章，然后百思不解，想不起来当时发生什么事了。。。

但，记不住并不悲哀，

既然记不住，也只能感叹说，

“走过岁月的感觉，真好。”

信

2010-07-31T13:58:00.002+08:00

如果孙中山再活一次，你说，他会不会再一次选择革命？

应该会吧。

今天好长

2010-06-28T23:42:00.005+08:00

今天
感觉好惆怅哦

是
不想上班？
离别将近？
想念？
怀念？

今天
好
长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长
长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长
长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长
长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长长

Bleh

2010-06-23T00:58:00.000+08:00

I need to sit down and WRITE.

Theatre vs Film

2010-05-30T02:19:00.004+08:00

There are so many things I know about scenes, acting and the blah blah technical stuff. But now there's a problem in trying to translate my knowledge on theatre onto film.

God let me learn theatre, and gave us a test question on film.

Very good.

But we're not going to give up just yet.

转身

2010-05-05T23:32:00.003+08:00

如果
遗憾
永远
不知道
真相

那
感觉
会不会
好一点

我

会不会
不那么

忧伤

有些事，
一转身，
就是
一
辈
子

迷

2010-04-18T00:11:00.000+08:00

好有趣的一个现象。

原来，我一直都百思不得一解的问题，世界似乎也没有答案过。。。

我们，

只是一直在走着，试验着。。。=)

弟弟

2010-04-12T22:31:00.004+08:00

我今天在想啊，每次道育班都有承孝成康在我的左边右边，真的很像我的弟弟leh。如果有一天他们没来道育班的话，我应该会很不习惯的 eh... 虽然还是很不知道怎么办，但还是很感谢有两个那么像我弟弟的两个小可爱... =)

梦

2010-04-07T13:04:00.009+08:00

今天做了一个很奇怪的一个梦。

有人叫我不要离开。

说希望我不会离开。

似乎是谁想对我说的话。

看不到是谁，只是有一种似曾相识的感觉。

你相信梦吗？

A Random Thought

2010-03-15T12:36:00.001+08:00

Judging by the strength of my ankle and the kinda speed that I'm walking at today, it leaves me to wonder,

HOW DID I MANAGE TO HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY TO SURVIVE YESTERDAY HUH?

The power of responsibility, perhaps?

2010-03-14T23:10:00.002+08:00

每个小孩背后，到底有什么样的一个故事？
到底，他们承载了多少生命没有办法承受的负担？
到底，他们有多少说不出，或没有人听到的话？

都不懂我做得对不对呢。。。

又一次，唉

2010-03-12T21:07:00.003+08:00

对不起，昨天让你们担心了。

真不知道我干吗的。这一生的三次晕倒都是直直的，把我身边的人都吓坏了。唉。

不过现在我的脚没事了，只是有点肿，然后走路要慢慢走，不可以太激动。呵呵。

其实已经算很幸运了，我跌倒的那一刻我真的觉得好像会蛮严重的。

谢谢所有人的关心：我的家人，NIE的那一群朋友，还有 Jurong Safra 那位很热心的保安和那位小姐。 =)

春节

2010-02-14T00:44:00.005+08:00

春节，是个想念的季节
也不是平常就不想念，
只是
佳节的气氛让思念更加浓厚。

想念年轻不懂事的时候，
觉得好像只要够相信，什么都可以做到的日子。

想念那永远都美丽的回忆
还有那可以展现我最真的心的时候

想念那年的疯狂，那年的坦诚，
或许，
岁月给人们留下的，是一把又一把的寂寞。

昙花一现

2010-02-10T00:08:00.006+08:00

今天 yoga class 到最后的时候，教练叫我们闭上眼睛，然后完全放松。在我差一点睡着的时候，看到了最后一次在舞台上的情景。突然，有一种很想念，很想念的感觉。因为许许多多的原因，我跟舞台的缘就到此为此了。但，心里，还是想念舞台的吧。属于舞台的回忆，并没有因为时间流逝而淡化。或许，我真正想念的，是那昙花一现，那生命最灿烂的那一瞬间。到底，人生中有几个昙花一现?

最近或许因为忙吧。或者因为有许多等着我去做，等着我去处理，去决定的事，当然还有一些不想理又不能不理的有的没的。所以这几天火气特别容易上升。It really takes alot of faith and energy to follow through what you decided. Especially when you have to handle all of them all at once. 很考功夫。真的很考功夫。

还有啊，关于中庸是否可以达到的问题，我想老天给我答案了。

“ Can. Provided that you can handle it in the first place. Alot of people gave up and turned out to be the people you don't exactly want to become. It's not exactly wrong either, 只是很可惜。” 我想，就像周老师所说的，就看你站的多稳咯。

But

Well, if I do not meet any challenges on the way, then I would have to reconsider whether my decision(s) is worth pursuing in the first place, isn't it? =)

自己给自己加油吧。

耐心等待，生命中有一天会绽放出最艳丽的花朵。
会有一次又一次的昙花一现的。

并非

2010-02-08T23:05:00.005+08:00

寂寞，
并非因为周围没人
人很多
但或许没人能了解你的思维

平静，
并非周围不吵闹
是因为打从内心感到平静

快乐，
并非每一刻都快乐
只是我快乐的时光比悲伤的还要多

保持安静，
并非因为我没有想法
只是觉得没必要说那么多

下定决心，
并非就代表不害怕
只是我很努力地在往前进而已

我没说，
并非是我不想念
只是说不出口而已

你所看到的，
并非就是你想像的。

2010-02-05T00:34:00.002+08:00

郭敬明：

“原来和文字沾上边的孩子从来都是不快乐的。他们的快乐象贪玩的小孩，游荡到天光。游荡到天光却还不回来。”

Nice one.

If =)

2010-02-02T22:49:00.005+08:00

If

life in the past is making sense now,
and now will only make sense later,
then I hope,
to savour,
every moment,
of
now.

Soon Soon

2010-02-01T21:12:00.002+08:00

很久没有在这里写东西了。

或许吧，知道人言可畏，所以有时欲写而又停止了。或许，是无谓的担心，但我不想冒险。

怎么说呢。用心学习，凭着良心做事吧。

就如我很喜欢的一篇文章写的，耐心等待，生命中有一天会绽放出最艳丽的花朵。

Soon, I will find my inspiration to write, soon.

深呼吸，然后继续前进

2010-01-11T22:41:00.002+08:00

如题。

闭眼睛

2009-12-31T01:20:00.002+08:00

想退缩的时候
就
闭上眼睛

然后

想象
有人
从后面推你一把

把你
推到
前
面
去。

为了我的大石头我不能退缩。 =)

2009-12-17T14:57:00.003+08:00

我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作我想创作

但是又没有啥好写的。

勇气

2009-12-14T23:59:00.002+08:00

一年前，2008年4月27日，我以同样的标题写了同一件事。同样的标题，也被用了。原来，或许，或许过不了的，只有那一关。始终就是那一关。心里的石头，上天已经帮我搬掉许多了，我是应该抱握的，对不对？否则，错过了，或许就永远不能完成我的大石头了。

到底，什么才叫平心静气？

有一点点彷徨，但有一点点勇气，所以有一点点不知所措。

What about the children

2009-11-15T21:03:00.003+08:00

While the adults are doing what is supposedly the only correct thing (or so they believe), the kids are in the room playing with their PSPs like nobody's business; saying #@$%^&?; kicking people's leg; fighting for a balloon; making adult-tish comments that are subtly insulting, impolite, and immature (they must have learnt from some other adults). And the other adults in the room? One tries to keep them quiet using extrinsic motivation, the other tries to instill in them the correct values and intrinsic motivation subtly. The rest? Watching TV.

Honestly, I no longer bother myself with trying to change that particular group of adults. I mean their thinking. Since I can't change anything and I can't adapt, I give up. Perhaps by accepting it as reality makes me more at peace with myself.

But.

What about the children?

Education does not start only at the young adolescent age, and merely thrown to a group of teenagers.

救救孩子。*

* 鲁迅：《狂人日记》

Innate Fear

2009-11-12T22:08:00.005+08:00

唉。还是第一次那么纠结。更纠结的是我都不知道我在纠结什么。纠结于或许发生或许不会发生的事。还真不是正常的我。平常的我本来就爱想东想西的，所以纠结也是很平常的事。但为那么同一件事纠结那么久还是第一回。因为太在乎我所在乎的，所以纠结吧。但因为太纠结了，所以有一种打从内心的怕。

纠结得我都有一点语无伦次了吧。

但我并没有退缩。虽然我仍然纠结，仍然害怕。

p.s. 所以，看到守护天使的玩意儿的时候第一个想到你们。

Rambling

2009-11-11T23:34:00.003+08:00

Bah. I don't like bosses with no off-work hours. But oh well. Saw tinges of me in the past there though. Glad that now I have a greater balance between work and life eh?

So yeah, 中庸始终是存在、而且可以达到的。=)

写不出一篇所以然的结果

2009-11-09T22:50:00.004+08:00

年轻时的艳丽，我们是不会知道的。等到知道的时候，我们又已经老了。

很偶然的在网上看到这一句话，觉得很有意义。好喜欢。

周老师跟我讲说，作为老师，你一定要知道怎么演戏。要让学生以为你真的生气，但你不可以真的动气，不然没多久就会被学生气死了。

人与人之间，能够相遇，是一种缘分。究竟几时开始，几时结束，没有人知道。

有时会不经意去想，十年后的我，会怎么看当下的我。

有时会想，我是不是太过软弱，太过顺从别人，太过会comprimise。

很偶然之间发现，中庸真的很不容易。但我始终相信中庸的存在。而且我始终相信中庸是可以达到的。

以上就是写不出一篇所以然的结果，但我很喜欢写下当下的感觉的感觉。

心理学

2009-11-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

人好奇怪。

近而远之。

总而言之。

人类是奇怪的动物。

有余力　则学文

2009-11-02T14:13:00.003+08:00

因为天时地利人和，我在偶然的情况下，学了那么一点点的比较多东西。而不久后的今天，我很庆幸，那时我从框框里跑了出来，还遇到那么出色的读经班老师，还有那一大群的朋友、知己。虽然那时候也懵懵懂懂，不知道原来自己所学的，经历的，体会的，那么有价值。

说句题外话，虽然我并不知道那些还在框框内的朋友怎么样了，但我真诚地希望他们已经跳出了封建愚昧、一成不变的工作方式。有些道理，是永恒不变的。但，我相信，我们传达这些道理的时候，尤其是传达给年轻人的时候，必须创新，与他们的生活，思想挂钩，才方能得到他们的认同，信服，然后他们才会遵守你所说的道理。毕竟，他们看到了道理的价值，才会懂得道理的重要性，才会知道如何把它们融入生活里。把道理传承下去不等于在学校教书，但与此同时，它与教书有许多共同点，是我们可以探讨、学习、与运用的。

有时候，我会想，是不是那时我想太多，是不是我要寻找的答案根本没有人知道？还是那属于我成长想不通的阶段？后来想想，其实也不是。因为几乎 6 年后的今天，我的立场与 6 年前一样。当然有时会想我的立场是否是“正确”的。或许，我天生就是个“问题多多”的小孩，即喜欢传统，又不喜欢墨守成规。即想改变，又无能为力。或许，我就是不喜欢人云亦云，就是死硬撑着不做自己觉得不合理的事。（或许，就因为这样，曾给过许多人许多的问题吧。或许现在也是。又或则我以前太静了，根本不留一点痕迹。呵呵。）但，虽是反其道而行，最起码我非常清楚自己在做什么，而且清楚地明白它的价值与对自己的意义。你可以说这是一种自我安慰，但我也可以很有信心的告诉你，这 6 年我没有白活。我可以说，虽然我在短期内看不到什么结果，或者说我在短期内也看不出我是否是对是错，但只要全情投入，有些事其实结果并不能决定一切的价值。所以，当我反其道而行的时候，请不要用你那世俗的眼光来决定我的价值。因为，反其道而行不一定就是错的，而跟随大众也不一定就是对的。

Okay, so 转回来，不进则退，再不努力进步，就会落伍了。

所以，加油吧！

希望我能达到自己对自己的要求，还有履行我在各方面的承诺。

或许不该说是我许下的承诺，

而因该说我希望做到我应该做的事，

而且要做得好。

Things to learn

2009-10-22T21:17:00.003+08:00

Other than the usual extra thinking I am doing recently, I have a strong feeling that I must be crazy or very daring. 老是想都不想后果就单枪匹马地闯入完全陌生的环境。

Either I never realised in the past, or that I really have more things to learn as I grow. Especially the part on self. The part where no one can really teach you what to do, and no one can really help. But perhaps this is an inevitable part, as I got to be competent myself before I teach, isn't it?

=)

四年后，思念后，十年后

2009-10-20T23:08:00.003+08:00

四年后
我
会
怎么样
看我？

但愿
觉得
四年
没有白过

不必
如戏里
轰轰烈烈

但

但愿
过得充实
过得有意义
过得快乐

但愿
不是
庸庸碌碌
过一生

p.s. 最近发现，用文字记录当下的情绪与思路是挺好玩的。尤其当你已经不记得发生了什么事，却可以从自己写的东西里记得当时的情感的时候。所以此blog将会继续这样写下去。
p.s.s. 今天有朋友说我有时候说话有一点深奥。有meh? 有一点点好奇，有一点点不解，又有一点点欢喜。

想念，无尽的想念

2009-10-18T22:47:00.003+08:00

想念。

这一次是真的无尽的想念。

想念在白云岗的日子。
想念南初的老师。
想念读E Lit 和 C Lit 的日子。
想念在博文轩读书的日子。
想念在 lit room 懒洋洋的日子。
想念大家一起计划，一起疯，一起笑的日子。
想念在辩论队无所不谈的日子。
想念三年前的那一天。
想念好多好多人，情，事。

这一次，真的，是无尽的想念。

当然，我很清楚，一切都属于过去，只是喜欢偶尔把回忆当成装饰品，偶尔拿出来欣赏一下，感怀一下，然后再小心翼翼地把它放回原来的位置。这是理性的我告诉我的。

但往往，理性的我，和感性的我，都一样强悍，两者经常打得两败俱伤。

呵呵。

或许，爱戏的人，真的喜欢把自己所有的感情无限放大吧。

Against, Flow

2009-10-14T11:39:00.006+08:00

The world is all backward. Black is white, white is black. Those who follow the convenient truths are considered sane. Those who find too hard for the truth are considered crazy.

Taken from:

What happened to Lani Garver, Carol Plum Ucci

If it was said that time can cause one's perspective to change, then I would love to think that my perspective has changed for the better, which I'm thankful for.

Recently I am set to the thinking mode more than ever, to the extent that almost anything can set me thinking. Perhaps I would say, last year till around the mid year wasn't a very smooth ride at all. Perhaps till now it's not fully smooth yet. However, what if these rides affirmed that you haven't been wasting your time? What if these rides affirmed that your thinking has become more matured, more broad? And what if these rides affirmed that you have had a more fulfilling life perhaps more than your peers? Then perhaps this ride would be considered worth it, isn't it? Not to imply anything negative, but eventually, I find myself grateful for most of the things that occurred, people I have met, and the days that I have gone through.

But then again, these realisations would bring the question of how to strike a balance. Of how to go against the flow while being with the flow at the same time. Which I'm not complaining about. At least, now I can proudly say that I'm living a life and doing things that I should do and always wanted to do.

Anyway, to quote from a certain essay, 感谢那些刻骨铭心，让我们清朗坚硬，云淡风轻. I guessed the author used it for a totally different context. But still.

If all of the above sounded weird with no sense of logic, not to worry, I'm just clearing my thoughts a little.

Really thankful. 不然我现在在哪里飘摇还不知道。=)

Back to Nature, Again

2009-09-22T00:25:00.002+08:00

Agreeing (after numerous requests by my mom) to go to the small fishing village Kukup is a huge risk for me, in face of the many things I have to do and in the face of many other issues, but- I'm thankful for this much needed break, a much needed lesson, and a much needed source of energy. =)

p.s. Amazing how great the power of nature is,isn't it? Always a great source of inspiration. Like how my Lit Teacher Mrs Teoh always says.

午后

2009-08-28T14:56:00.003+08:00

闷闷的午后
最适合

回想

回想
心里的
问号

到底
一个人
对
另一个人
会
留下怎样
的
影响

无所事事
的
午后
最适合

深思

深思
生命
的
难题

到底

人
有多大的
勇气

逆水而流

懒洋洋的
午后

最适合
泡一杯
香浓
的
咖啡

懒洋洋的
坐在
窗边

静静地

胡思

乱想

p.s. 现在我周围即没窗也没咖啡，但，我还真享受这似乎平淡到不行的下午，享受与自己对话的时间。

往事，豈能如煙

我不会把第一次当借口

真

从未

Undo

写祝福

那何尝不是人生的功课之一

新一年

「等你多活几年就知道了。」

《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》

好空闲啊好空闲

Hmphhhhh

果实

忙盲茫

小放假

Looping

Notice

平凡

两年

喜欢寂寞

那些年

Just asking.

你的心是小小的寂寞的城 之二

The Tiny Dangerous One

Ramblings

佛会怎么做?

21 岁生日

知己难求

久违了

It's end of the month

家长和老师

游戏人生的气质

Mistrust

Dreams these days

Caffeine

Craziness and more

理智

到齐

重逢

Mental Block

A型血的狮子座：含蓄高雅的狮子座

你的心是小小的寂寞的城

达不到的100分

记得

每一个成长阶段都是真实的

Script 难产-ing

信

Plea

Start of School!

Resolution

2011

Shortest Holiday Ever

Voltaire

People Touched Lives

智慧

非主流

文人

独

Paradox

每一个路口

One More Completed!

Homework Marathon

空间

中秋节

凝视

Cells

走过岁月，真好

信

今天好长

Bleh

Theatre vs Film

转身

迷

弟弟

梦

A Random Thought

又一次，唉

春节

昙花一现

并非

你的心是小小的寂寞的城之二

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